Thursday, June 28, 2007

Alive at 33

One of my favorite U2 songs is "Hold Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me. There is a line in that song that really describes my life up to this point. I turned 33 on Sunday. This has always kinda been a signficant age for me. Not sure why. I am sure in the back of my mind is the whole thing that Jesus died and rose from the dead at this age, at least according to church tradition.

Anyway, the lines from the song go like this:

"They want you to play Jesus/to go down on one knee/but they want their money back if you're alive at 33/you are turning tricks with your crucifix/you are a star"

Basically, its Bono reflecting on his bumpy relations with the church. Early in his career, Christians piled so many expectations on him and when he turned out to be a human sinner, a lot of them turned on him, saying he wasnt a Christian, etc. All that has changed recently, of course, but it was not five years ago I was defending his Christianity to many believers.

But, it isnt Bono's life that I reflect on when I hear these words. I think about my own. I am really sorry if this post seems pretentious or dramatic, but I have been thinking about this for awhile.

I have been a Christian most of my life. I have gone to Church, Christian schools, grew up in a Christian home. None of that I regret at all. But, what has me going is how many times I was told in that time I was a "Christian" leader. In high School, I was the guy who was given awards for Christian leadership, the teachers loved my "Christianity" and predicted I would do big things for God.

That wasn't bad either. People were just trying to build me up. But, I swallowed it all with a dose of poison.

That did not change when I got to seminary. I was told I had all of this promise, talent and ability. That was all nice, I guess, if I wasn't a sinner and totally turned all of those things into pride. And let that pride almost destroy me and my faith as I tried so hard to be a head pastor for five years, trying to live up to those expectations. Trying to be what everyone thought I should be instead of really listening to what God wanted and what He thought I should be.

I think I have suprised and disappointed a lot of people in "stepping back" to be an assistant pastor. But, I love my job. I have never been happier in my ministry. It's great to be second. It's great not having to live up to expectations. It's great just trying to follow Jesus, love the Gospel and help others do the same. It's all I ever really wanted to do.

I am alive at 33. I cannot die and save anyone. Nor can I raise them from the dead. There is only one Man who did that, I am not Him. I serve Him, badly, most of the time and totally reliant on His Grace. I am no longer turning tricks with my crucifix, giving off the illusion of a "holy" life. I am just an object of Grace now, as I have always been. And I hope to help others understand.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

What do James Dobson and Judd Apatow have in Common? Lots!



I think this will be the most controversial post I have ever put on my blog. It was prompted by me seeing the movie "Knocked Up" recently. The movie was directed by Judd Apatow who has, in my book, quickly become one of my favorite Hollywood directors. If you don't know the plot of the movie, it begins by hot girl getting knocked up by a pot smoking slacker.

Seems like an ordinary gross out, raunch comedy right? Not worthy of viewing?

Wrong.

That is where Apatow is a genius. Yes, the movie contains many moments that makes me unable to recommend this movie to most people. But, just like his first movie, 40 year Old Virigin, there is a moral there that is completely old fashioned, and well, one that James Dobson would love. That is, parenthood is tough and hard, but it is a wonderful thing. A beautiful thing, a worthy thing. That a kid should have a mom and a dad, even when things are not perfect. That it is good to be responsible and doing it is hard work.

In the movie 40 year old Virgin, it was all about a guy who never had sex and all of his friends were trying to get him to have it. It was a total send up of our sex obsessed culture. The end result? The guy (played by the genius Steve Carrell) wants to want until he is married and that is what he does.

I am going to go out and make a recommendation. Dr. Dobson, maybe you should use these two films to recruit people for Focus on the Family. Use them as a jumping off point for discussion to instruct people about waiting for sex until marriage is good, and the family is an amazing thing.

As long as I am dreaming, I would like to hang out with Bono, C.S. Lewis, JRR Tolkien, M. Night Shamalyan, and Flannery O'Connor in a Dublin pub for an evening.

A Pop Culture Manifesto


There is a scene in Lady in the Water that I really love. It's were a kid gets an otherwordly message from reading cereal boxes. I love that scene because I identify with that kid. I feel like I have spent my life looking "cereal boxes" looking for deeper meaning in them. Or, to be more direct, looking at the pop culture I grew up with and trying to find the deeper meaning there.

Most folks say there is no deeper meaning there. It is disposable, trash, not worth looking at. I disagree. There is much to be learned there and much that needs to be seen. And I have spent a lot of time in my life trying to argue this. There are times where I feel like I am beating my head against the wall, especially the walls that exist in the church. Christians seem to have this dichotomy when it comes to pop culture. They argue its trash and it has no meaning, but they consume it in mass amounts.

Something weird about that, I think. Seems like a split personality thing. Continue to be involved pop culture by all means. But, consume with your eyes open, understand what is going on, search for the meaning "under the trash". It is there.

It is why I was thrilled to read Chuck Klosterman's book, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs. This guy has some amazing insights into American pop culture and its meaning. And he does it from the perspective not from a guy who stands "above" it, but as an active participant in it.

I realize this post is random and sorry about that. But, I want to finish with a pop culture moment that just happend. If you have seen it, you will know what I mean. It was at the MTV movie awards hosted by Sarah Silverman (what is it with me that I don't think she is funny at all? I guess I forfeit my hipster status). She was commenting on Paris Hilton going to jail. Paris was in the audience. Fine. But then she goes on to make a horribly awful joke at Paris' expense. The camera showed Paris' reaction. She was obviously pissed.

But, that wasnt the disturbing thing about it. It was the way the room reacted to it. They laughed, cheered and thought it was funny. And the stupid thing is, most of the people in that room had probably kissed Paris' butt at one time or another. It was the ultimate picture of what fame and chasing fame will get you, a broken heart.

Now, I am not a fan of Paris Hilton, but, she is a human being. And as a fellow human being, I just hurt for her. It was awful and was such a great illustration of the brokeness that is in all of us.

A Pop culture moment that you might miss if you were not paying attention. If you want to know where most people live, its there, not in the art galleries, or other institutions of higher culture. If you want to know your neighbor, that is where they live. Continue to go to art galleries, art films, etc. I love all that stuff too. But, don't expect that most people in America live this way and that they will follow you to those places. I think that as believers, we have to learn to bridge "high" culture with "low" culture transforming them both.